One of these days…

I have to say, when I’m finally conversant in Polish, however long that takes, I am going to feel sooooooo smart. No matter how many Polish words and grammatical cases get mangled and how many Poles’ patience and humor are tested and pushed, I am going to learn this goddam language.

And then I will be insufferable.

When I’m in the States, say, at a Chinese restaurant, I’ll want to order in Polish. I don’t even know how to say “chow mein” in Polish, but one day, I will. (Probably makaron z Chinskii. (Close. Chiński makaron. Chinese macaroni, noodles. Obviously had to look it up.)

Now picturing myself ordering a burrito in Polish. Bean and cheese with guacamole and extra spicy salsa. *Head explodes.*

At cocktail parties, I’ll say things, like, “Oh, you speak Spanish? How adorable! French? *Polite giggle.* You have a doctorate? Fantastic. You know, *I* speak Polish. Quite well.”

Insufferable, I say!

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